yo-yo

i haven't eaten food in two days. i've been living off of juice and soda. i fell asleep on the couch this afternoon because i couldn't maintain consciousness and i had a dream that i had a blue yo-yo that was alive and i would hold the string and it would take me places.

Work

Sunday I went in to work and worked by myself in an empty office until 8:45pm, which was fun until I started to imagine that there could be ghosts in the building. Monday Graham and I worked feverishly until 8pm to assemble a prototype for demo in the morning. I was so tired that I kept making dumb decisions and  dropping things on the floor. Naturally we didn't finish so the next morning I arrived back at work at 7:45am and discovered that the models I had printed overnight didn't fit together, probably because I was delirious and dumb when I made them, so I took a Dremel to them until they fit, then drove everything to the big meeting across property at 9:30am. This morning I rolled into big meeting day 2 at 8am and literally didn't stop meeting until 5pm, at which point I went and had a beer by myself at the bar at the contemporary and then walked around magic kingdom by myself for a few hours and watched a parade that annoyed me so much that I put in my ear plugs.

Last night I had another fish dream, where I was at Neil's house for a fancy children's birthday party which was being held on the patio and it was beach themed but also flooded like the shallows of a beach shore and there were dead or dying fish everywhere. The first one I saw was stiff as a board and I blew on it to see if it had any life left in it but it was dead. Then I tried to save a bubble-eyed goldfish but the moment I threw it into a body of green water I knew it would probably die in there.

Fire dreams

Last week I dreamt that I spilled acetone everywhere and my hands were on fire. Last night I dreamt that I had to cremate my own body. I only had a small fire and I was worried about the smell. Last week I bought concert tickets to see CHVRCHES on Tuesday and Lykke Li on Thursday and tonight I went to see CHVRCHES and on my way out was given four free tickets to see Lykke Li on Thursday?

I think I had a lucid dream this morning. I kissed someone. I guess where there's a will there's a way.

dream lana

last night i dreamt that I met Lana del Rey at a friend's fancy socialite party and we became friends because she was planning on applying to ITP. i commiserated with her on how her second album's sales weren't doing as well as the first's and she told me that she hadn't been feeling as creative lately.

puppies

new take on that dream where you're in a play but you've forgotten your lines: last night i dreamt i was in a puppet show but couldn't find my puppet

smells dreamtime ibm

during my recess in Los Angeles, my bedroom in renee zellweger's house stopped smelling like me, coffee, candles, lotion, and hair serum and went back to smelling like cat, cat vomit, and mysterious gross smell. being immersed in its pungency makes me feel like i'm back in last october, when i'd just moved in and this room was an alien place.

last night i used the dohm again. different roommate, same old story. i dreamt that i was attacked by an overly friendly porcupine that kept jumping into my lap and that my tongue, face, arms, and legs were covered in thousands quills that were more like cactus needles and that i needed a nurse to pull them out.  i also dreamt that i was  being secretly watched by my dad's cousin, who looked more like he was my dad's identical twin except for one difference in birthmark, who was an eccentric wine expert with a bizarre name who had never gotten to know me.

this morning i woke to find that my real dad had written me an excited e-mail about finding out that i'm working with IBM and that "many be it was meant to be that way!?" i think he's referring to how i worked at IBM in shanghai in 2007 except that i'm pretty sure all i remember about that time is eating lunch alone every day at KFC and watching a lot of Youtube (this was back before youtube - and facebook! - were blocked by The Great Firewall). oh - and chatting with mrs. tuckersman / metacomrobotron on AIM about vitas! yes, the world has come full circle!

my fresh direct has arrived!

delightful dream

got this in my e-mail this morning

well my dream was about how i was paying $16 to borrow an oyster that you can take home, open up and read. the oyster survives this ordeal. text has been printed inside on layers of the oyster's flesh. i kept licking the shell of mine while in the store because it was salty. mine was supposed to be frank lloyd wright but when i asked an employee how to open it he flipped through the oyster and i discovered there was only one line of text instead of an entire book and i was really disappointed.

want to click

1. i'm lusting for a dslr. how long until i break down? i've held out for years.

2. i just remembered that last night i had one of those horrifying dreams where all my teeth fell out. only the second time i've ever nightmared that nightmare. the internet says it stems from anxiety and i can believe that.

3. school is so rough right now. i just need to last until friday and then i will be in new orleans.

dreamlove

i was in dreamlove (the kind of all-consuming, hyper-intense love you only feel in dreams) last night when i dreamt that i was dating sharon needles and i was the only female he had ever wanted.

is this what happens when you watch too much drag race?

ourselves we find in the sea

this morning i dreamt that i was walking along the beach with two friends. there were enormous shells washed up along the shoreline, big spiraled things that were well over a foot long and took two hands to pick up and hold. i picked one to keep and later abandoned it for a pink colored one. we walked further and i decided i didn't want to carry it anymore so i dropped it and hit me and hurt my leg. we suddenly had to stop because our path was blockaded by dead tropical fish, including royal blue tangs, lying everywhere, and cathy was paralyzed with fear.

sleepingtime snacktime

this morning i dreamt that i was standing in the kitchen of my house drinking a very large bowl of soup, which was cold despite the fact that i'd just taken it out of the microwave (with 4:48 left on the timer). when i woke up, bagel said i'd been smacking my lips in my sleep.

wednesday's child

between a rock and a few other hard places. i want to fold into the smallest of yoga poses and stay there for hours and hours. instead i sleep for hours and hours because nobody cares that i came to look at their books and my feet are hot and my handshake is hot because i walked here from afar and then i dream of finding a speaker blasting avril lavigne into my room.

dreams like oceans

at night before i go to sleep i like to survey my bedroom in darkness with my blind eyes. i like to see the things i own and where i've placed them and the enormity and grandeur of my space makes me proud.

last night i drank chamomile tea, which is supposed to promote a more rested sleep. i dreamt of a tupperware full of orandas. i've had dreams of fish my entire life, but i've never thought of them in connection to a greater state of peace.

window blues

un, i have been drinking for ten days with no end in sight. not dead yet but my soul may be

deux, i haven't shared a room in a long while and i don't think i'm doing the best job of being a quiet roommate. hello olivia!

trois, golden ferrets

blood breakfast

after a manic episode last night i dreamt about sitting in shallow water in japan with tons and tons of blue and green fish nibbling at my skin and tiny, absolutely millimeters tiny, ruby-throated hummingbirds in the water as aquatic creatures and paul mccartney was also in the water, with a security guard who also had to sit in the water, feeding the fish. all of the sudden the water was gone and the fish were gone and there was only sand and i worried that they were all dead and i was sitting on them. i woke up with knots in my hair so bad that i had to cut a fistclump of my hair off this morning.

alice in ikealand

i forgot to tell you - last night i had the the strangest dream on the platform. i was in an apartment my parents had just bought in asia, and although i thought it would be tiny it was actually of epic proportions. everything was planned just so and not an inch of space was wasted. i wandered room after room after room full of small, economical furniture of bright colors and perfect furnishings. there was a small glass container with fish. one room had large glass panes, from which i could see through the glass panes of the apartment next door, which was very spacious and bright with small cushioned seats and fake palm fronds shading the them. alone i turned the corner from one room to the next and realized that i would neither be able to ever pick one for myself nor ever find my way out of this place. when i thought there couldn't be more rooms i discovered i was only on the second floor of four, and that the dining room was supposed to be of the european style, enormous, cavernous and dark with a long, endless dining table. the apartment was so complete, i wandered into a child's room with a crib and toys, even though there would be no children here.

tucson

my parents spontaneously decided to take a four-day bus tour to arizona through a chinese travel company. every time i've gone on one of these trips, with the flag-waving tour guide and matching stickers on our shirts, i've sworn, this is the last time i'm going to do this. yet here i am in a holiday inn in tucson. we spent around twelve hours on a bus today to get here. horrible movies were played en route, things like the bucket list and knight and day (so awful, the sound of cameron diaz's screaming.) ma kept pinching my nose and telling me i should really get rhinoplasty. i tried to learn some words, which i'll never use, out of a russian dictionary and had dreams of kid rock coming to my trailer, topless and wasted, and projectile vomiting all over a baby. for tucson dinner we went to a chinese buffet, because chinese bus tours will do everything within their power to suss out every lone chinese buffet in the southwest, middle america, etc. what was funny was that there was not a single asian person dining in said buffet, and then a bus-load of real chinese people flooded the place. it was as if you were in santa's village, ill-fated christmas theme park of 1955-1998 san bernadino yore, and a sleigh set free fifty elves to run amok.

rumdiddlyumptious

we went to a bar last night where you first enter a ramshackle bedroom and then, pushing clothes and hangers aside, actually climb into the bedroom armoire, à la the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe. on the other side, you find yourself in cuba, à la guys and dolls or dirty dancing havana nights, with bottles of rum stacked to the ceiling and burlesque girls sashaying in fringe on the hour.

when i was a child i once had a nightmare of being in a haunted house where i opened the armoire and all the clothes came flying out at me.

eventful imagining

since the best dreams come from waking up in the morning and re-sleeping, i've been setting my alarm for nine, waking up, and sleeping until around ten for one hour of quality dreamtime.

yesterday i dreamt of floating, alone, terrified, through a trash-filled, overcast copenhagen harbor on a tiny plastic red boat because i thought i'd be able to go snorkeling.

this morning i dreamt of climbing the stairs in keith's apartment to a second-level loft, which was a dark ballroom he'd completely decorated into a red yellow orange sparkling masquerade affair. we sat on the floor as dancers whirled around and by us in huge elaborate costumes and masks that keith had made. he'd gotten all the dancers for free off of craigslist by telling them that this would be a dress-rehearsal for a party he was throwing for his boyfriend, who is supposed to be some famous bigwig. all the dancers kept asking me about the boyfriend and whether i'd ever met him and i had to lie and say i hadn't met him yet.