final update

5 hours and 20 minutes later

final nowhere

oh my fucking god this is going nowhere

two girl wow

love your skimmer, judy

my hair was curly today. these days have been warming; the weekend trains are packed with parkgoers. i saw a girl with a hula hoop boarding the L. i have meetings inside all day to push my final projects along and maintain my pallor. even though i don't go outside, i wore bare legs for the first time since last early september or so. last night, saturday night, i stayed in and stuffed myself silly with tuna casserole and dulce de leche ice cream and watched game of thrones s03e04 and bushmilled until i was a goose. i bought semi-expensive tickets to la this morning so ma and i can go on a small vacay and i feel better.

listserv

corn face

instrument tree

muffly sound

i've started wearing ear plugs on my commute because the loud and/or high-pitched screeching sounds of the subway really aggravate me. it's so much better now and makes me feel really inside-myself.

life post-missy

i have graduated from random acts of public crying to sick sick school nights of bushmill's and crying to videos of missy and pictures of cocker spaniels

good company

sad news

Val,

 

When I wanted to feed Missy in the morning and found her passed away.  Sorry to tell you the sad news.  Mom and I felt very sad and the tears came out from the corners of our eyes.

 

She acted strangely lately.  I wanted to take her for a walk but she refused to go, so I gave up on that.  She used to walk in a loop or circle by herself but lately she circled at the same spot.  She lost the control of her discharge.  Her digest system started deteriorating and had diarrhea for a couple of days with the same dog food she ate everyday.   In a way, this may be a relief for her at this old age with deteriorating physical condition, can’t see well, can’t smell well, can’t hear well and with weak muscles...

 

Before I moved her body, I chanted Rebirth Sutra for her and prayed for her to be reborn as a better being than being a dog again.  Since she was so gentle during her dog life, she should be rewarded to become a better being in her next life.  Then I took her to Long Beach Animal Shelter to be cremated.

 

I know you would be very very sad and felt terrible, but this is better for her to end the suffering that she was bearing.  At this moment, I felt my eyes wet again not only for her but also thinking I am approaching the same route that she had journeyed... 

 

We all missed Missy and prayed for her for a better future life.

 

Dad

SORRY I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT BOYS

ursula

i have a new mouse. i think i'm naming her ursula, uschi for short.

alessandro marchenisi

Dedication of a New Vestal Virgin

pine boxes

confirmed that i live by a casket factory. not scary, but interesting.