the hours

It had seemed like the beginning of happiness, and Clarissa is still sometimes shocked, more than thirty years later, to realize that it was happiness; that the entire experience lay in a kiss and a walk, the anticipation of dinner and a book. The dinner is by now forgotten; Lessing has been long overshadowed by other writers; and even the sex, once she and Richard reached that point, was awkward, unsatisfying, more kindly than passionate. What lives undimmed in Clarissa's mind more than three decades later is a kiss at dusk on a patch of dead grass, and a walk around a pond as mosquitoes droned in the darkening air. There is still that singular perfection, and it's perfect in part because it seemed, at the time, so clearly to promise more. Now she knows: That was the moment, right then. There has been no other.
- cunningham, 98

27

for my birthday, khenkel had a pillow made of my guinea pig painting that i gave to him in 2011 and mailed it to me in florida 

"I don't have a wife, but I yelled at my dog earlier and he got pretty scared. I had a bad day. I'm going to go apologize, give him a treat and curl up with some Netflix."

Gemini

It's past my bedtime and I'm awake and anxious in my new bed for the fourth night now and it's not even approaching feeling normal yet. According to the Google sky map, these days I'm sleeping under Gemini. I can't verify that from under this ceiling but I can confirm that sleeping alone keeps me up at night.

old, sensitive

I have become that person who moves into a new space and immediately WD40s all of the squeaky door hinges. I live in Windermere now. Last night I had dinner with an alumnus from my grad program and his friends, all of whom are in town for an installation; spending a few hours with urbanites was a dose of fresh sanity.

ave maria

On Friday I had one of those occasional overwhelmingly spiritual moments in yoga class, when I was having a class for the first time with this intense tiny Latin American man and he was helping to support me in a forearm stand for an intensely long amount of time at the tail end of what had been a very physically challenging class. As my arms were beginning to shake and become slippery in a way that I thought my entire body would slide to the ground in a heap he commanded me to explore the dark side of my heart, to explore my ego and explore my vanity. Meanwhile, a track of Ave Maria being sung by an opera singer in what sounded like German played in the background and I felt like I was on a completely different planet.

happy ny

Got 2015 off to a big start by being so hung over yesterday that I couldn't get up from the couch until 5:30pm. I alternated cycles of drinking juice, eating, napping, and chatting other people hung over in their apartments until I gave up and ordered overpriced sushi delivery. Once I started coming out of my haze I met Youjin in Williamsburg and we went out and sat at the waterfront and looked out on the Manhattan skyline until we were so cold that we had to find shelter in a restaurant/bar where we shared calamari, drank juice, and told ghost stories.

charles bukowski was

Charles Bukowski was the only child of an American soldier and a German mother. At the age of three, he came with his family to the United States and grew up in Los Angeles. He attended Los Angeles City College from 1939 to 1941, then left school and moved to New York City to become a writer. His lack of publishing success at this time caused him to give up writing in 1946 and spurred a ten-year stint of heavy drinking. After he developed a bleeding ulcer, he decided to take up writing again. He worked a wide range of jobs to support his writing, including dishwasher, truck driver and loader, mail carrier, guard, gas station attendant, stock boy, warehouse worker, shipping clerk, post office clerk, parking lot attendant, Red Cross orderly, and elevator operator. He also worked in a dog biscuit factory, a slaughterhouse, a cake and cookie factory, and he hung posters in New York City subways.