adolescent exposures to cosmetic chemicals of concern

have you read those studies about girls and the average 12-17 cosmetic products they use a day leading to high levels of potentially hormone-altering chemicals in their blood and urine? i'm pretty sure that's me.

only a sample of my collection

24 hour distress

i worked out so hard today that a vein was popping out of my eyelid. i was totally owned by this obese girl next to me who was stomping away with ease on this awful elliptical-variant machine we were both on while my tongue was lolling out of my mouth and my eyes were rolling into the back of my head because i felt like i was going to die. and then i swam my usual twenty lengths of pool (20 laps to me, 10 if you're cynical and only consider 50m to be a lap). somewhere around the 15th length i turned into a hummingbird and the only thing i could think about was sugar water. i wanted jamba juice, or coke zero, or orange juice, or capri sun, or any other of those things that i don't have access to in my current living situation. i still want it.

light of my life

life is too short, the canine one especially, to begrudge your old dog (dirty and sometimes incontinent) from sleeping in your bed with you

merry christmas, self

wine, not water

merry christmas, everyone

Here I became aware of the world's tenderness, the profound beneficence of all that surrounded me, the blissful bond between me and all of creation, and I realized that the joy I had sought in you was not only secreted in you, but breathed around me everywhere, in the speeding street sounds, in the hem of a comically lifted skirt, in the metallic yet tender drone of the wind, in the autumn clouds bloated with rain. I realized that the world does not represent a struggle at all, or a predaceous sequence of chance events, but shimmering bliss, beneficent trepidation, a gift bestowed on us and unappreciated.
nabokov 77

snowtime

bernard and his brother cam are playing in the snow

fish-o-licious

the other day ma and i were christmas shopping in orange county. on our way home, traffic on the freeway was so bad that we decided to get off at the next exit and have dinner. we ended up at this strange empty little chain restaurant no one's ever heard of before called "fish-o-licious." we ordered two fish tacos, the fried catfish platter, and a brownie. i was wary because this looked like a place that would give a person food poisoning. we ate the entire brownie waiting for our food and i think it might have been the best brownie i've ever had. and then the big ol' catfish and tacos came and they were shockingly so good. you could just break chunks of the catfish off and it was really hot and juicy and savory inside. and it came with really good salad and really good sourdough bread. if you ever see a fish-o-licious, i recommend going in.
anyways, what i really wanted to point out is that while we were eating, ma kept talking about "german monique's fish." she described how german monique's fish is prepared and sold. i couldn't figure out who german monique was for a long time until i finally realized that she was referring to Germany's Munich and her recent trip to europe. 

merry christmas, bagel

bambara antelope

beautiful photographs

my wonderfully talented friend erik photographs.
you won't regret pointing and clicking here: http://eriksellgren.tumblr.com/

hunger

sometimes i'm lying in bed warm and comfortable and ready to sleep when i realize that all i want in the world is to be eating baby back ribs. i wonder if there has ever been a person who, in the middle of eating baby back ribs, realized that all he wanted in the world is to be in bed warm and comfortable.

lolita off to the races

this is pretty much what i want a song to sound like

i bought so many beautiful things today (for myself of course). pat me on the back

cough drop diet

mermaids

my dad spent dinner trying to convince me that mermaids are real.
the conversation started with his asking, "the danish little mermaid statue ... is it sculpted after what they imagine mermaids to look like, or after what mermaids actually look like?"

also, i'm still really sick and ma just made me take an inhaler for the first time ever. i didn't know they make your heart pound. thumpa

cupcake

my brother is on his babymoon in hawaii and his homicidal jungle cat is living with me.

my mom was very fond of her cat growing up and she fancies herself a person who is very good with cats. she chases it around the house and calls it mimi, a diminutive for the name every taiwanese person names their cat - niao mi. it's been pouncing missy chen, who is absolutely terrified, and whenever we pick it up, it starts to growl and hisses at us and my mom screams, it's like a snake!!!

lucifer nature

hangout

bagel is not very good at hanging out

harvey girls

i just watched judy when she was my age in The Harvey Girls (1946) and it was just wonderful. very funny, very charming, stunning costumes. it made me want to be a costume maker in addition to wanting to be judy garland.

leading man was foxy as well

After a short stint in the Army, John Hodiak arrived in Hollywood in 1942 and signed a motion picture contract with MGM. He refused to change his name, saying, "I like my name. It sounds like I look."

sick again

i'm really sick again. i'm baking chocolate marscapone cupcakes and watching a guy i once met at one of buca's birthday parties own everyone on jeopardy

current tv

vanguard is so good and i watch it all the time but i'm pretty sure i end up seething in rage after every episode

aw shucks

school's out

this was the last week of conversational russian. our teacher came into class from the final for her russian 3 course like a prom queen with big bouquets of flowers in her arms. we listened to 14 final presentations about what we were each going to do for the holidays. during the presentations i noticed that all the non-armenians (the latvian woman, the tajikistani woman, the russians, etc.) all have these piercing electric blue eyes - something i never noticed this until they were actually standing in front of me. and then we were freed. firecracker nelly reported that her cat (she's a breeder "бридер" of scottish folds) had had kittens and one of them is a hermaphrodite. i am blown away by how fast the semester has gone by. and i can't believe that i drove almost 25 miles each way to get to and from class every week. i remember how terrifying the first class was to be in a room full of eastern european adults - in the end, willik and i stuck it out as the only non-heritage speakers and it was all good fun. the women in the class are all very warm people and i'll miss them. my goal was to become a better listener - which i definitely have. speaking is still very poor, as expected. 

i lost two pounds being sick and now i want to make them up in russian food and cupcakes. i'm thinking about having my birthday dinner next month at either traktir or robert's. 

anthropologie holidays

i realized with a start that i haven't done any of my (loathed) christmas shopping and the date is nigh. if you have more money than you currently know what to do with, there are tons of beautiful expensive things on anthropologie.com at this very moment.

except for this, which is sort of ugly and
looks a lot like something i would make.
if you're still interested, it costs $1500

cathy says

Catherine

you're such a grinch

you are

varinch

beverly hills holiday party nonsense

lana del rey

i know i said i was going to sleep, but frissons of full-body pain are keeping me up. so here i am, prolific in the dark. here's a lil' exerpt from today:

ouch body

i didn't know why i hurt all over and then i remembered: i did yoga yesterday (body aches all over), i'm bleeding out of my crotch (body aches all over), and i'm officially sick (body aches all over).
i'm going to go put myself out of my misery 

marrow.org

for the holidays, i've decided to join the bone marrow registry. it's extremely easy - the bone marrow people send you a packet in the mail, you swab your cheek and send in the samples. they contact you when there's a potential match. if this is something that interests you, you should check out the Be the Match Registry at marrow.org

Every year, 10,000 patients need a marrow transplant from an unrelated donor, but only half receive one.

hyldeblomster

i've been a little bit obsessed with elderflowers
and the idea of making things with them

champagne

fritters

cordial

waaah

i think the sickness it has finally got me
noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
my lungs feel like they're underwater

class gift

this week was the last week of conversational russian class (before the final which i am dreading) and the women have been scheming for weeks to collect money from everyone in the class to get our teacher a nice card and a gift card from VS. i'm pretty sure i haven't bought a gift for a teacher since elementary school. besides our few most outstanding professors and TAs, do american college students feel much more than apathy or disdain for their teachers? i like this tradition of expressing gratitude. we do it when we're little, but i'd all but forgotten about it until these middle-aged eastern european women were coming around during break and whispering to everyone about our need for a class gift for irina. 

cold out

scary scale

Evan

on a scale of 1-10, you are a 9.9

10:17 PM

Evan

except on halloween you were a 9.9 on the scary scale

in terms of intellect and poise, you are a 10

in terms of cycling frequency, you're a 2

hm maybe 3

you cycle when i ask you to and that counts for something

10:19 PM

coffee code

saw this bathroom yesterday in a cafe: