Gate 58

I'm waiting for rothy at the boarding gate for our impending flight. I'm looking at my calendar and feeling astounded by how bad the next two weeks are going to be. I have four final projects and two performances to pull out of thin air.

being sad for everybody

i feel really sad about paul walker's death and i can't decide whether i should or not. i'll think about this more on the plane. back to the east i go

you may call me baby rose, or multiflora rose because these are the English names for 蔷薇, from which the first character of my Chinese name comes.

thanksgiving photos

my thanksgiving domestic chen pie extravaganza. i spent all of wednesday making these while watching a marathon of the saga of The Little Couple's adoption of their Chinese baby Will. they turned out even better than expected and a request for a repeat apple pie for christmas has been filed by mama chen.

some nice thanksgiving pictures taken by my cousin

walking dread

i've had a wonderful thanksgiving this year surrounded by handmade food and beloved family in my favorite city. i'm feeling grateful for that but also endlessly conflicted and troubled by neverending unknowns and variables about school (short-term: finals, long-term: thesis), employment/career/fate, human relationships, geographic situation, etc. and it all feels like a very heavy weight on the heartmind. i'm very much dreading going back to new york, place of dread.    

old man river

what a beautiful lady

residential pov

do you ever see pictures of people's trips to new york and marvel about how your life in new york looks nothing like that? last night i paid almost $40 for a cab to take me home from times square because no arrangement of trains would be able to get me home before 4:30am. so fucking glamorous.

soyum

tonight's one am snack is a glass of mashed potatoes in bed

charbaby

caritas et amor

how is it possible to feel too sad to sleep? shouldn't it have the opposite effect? i'm just up looking at pictures of sloths but it's making me kind of too emotional.

lilo

anybody else want to watch liz and dick?

jorge bday

birthday party in the east village a few weeks ago

knockdown maspeth

Had a meeting in a Whole Foods today. There was no shortage of snacks.

your daily internet

my bucket's got a hole in it

i'm home alone for the first time in the longest time i can remember. yessssss thursday night in with me me mememe meem em em emem me m eem em em emm em e mem 

hello kitty band-aid premium

i cut my finger open deep on the jagged edge of the saran wrap box. i feel like a wet rag, terrible, heavy and moldy. 

it's just us

text from my mom a few days ago. so it's just us. except that right now it's 1:39 pm and 37 degrees.

dog island

Dogs never want to leave the island once they experience it, so you will not be able to have your dog again. You can come to the public visiting days, they are three times a year. Sometimes, someone sees their dog again. Usually the dog has either forgotten them, or has grown to resent all the years of captivity. Even with the sweetest relationship, it was always wrong for the dog to not be free.

sad day

how much of my hair has been woven into birds' nests?

mazu

Mazu is usually depicted together with two guardian generals known as "Thousand Miles Eye" (千里眼, Qianli Yan) and "With-the-Wind Ear" (順風耳 Shunfeng Er). Though their iconography can vary, both are usually represented as demons; "Thousand Miles Eye" is often red with two horns, while "With-the-Wind Ear" is green with one horn. They are said to have been two demons whom Mazu conquered. The both of them were in love with her, but she said she would marry the one who defeated her. Using her martial arts skills, Mazu defeated them both and they became her friends.

dog woman tired

yesterday morning i went to morristown, nj to an automata museum for a field trip and then i came back to school to work at 4p and then i wasn't home again until 3am. i woke up at 12p today in a daze

i've been stress eating every day at two am for a week and then i wake up in a daze

бессонница

awake late again for no reason. felt very heavy today

our harpist came to rehearsal tonight to practice for the choral concert in two weeks. she was very pretty. i wonder if there is a prerequisite for harpists to be pretty or if growing up playing the harp made them that way? i have the most excellent last line of 'This Little Babe' from Britten's Ceremony of Carols stuck in my head. "If though wilt foil thy foes with joy then flit not from this heavenly boy." 

the witching hour

why do i stay up so stupid late talking to air?

here's some igloo hotel in finland where i'd rather be right now

rhinorrhea

i appear to have severe rhinorrhea

nice hair

a girl called out to me on the street, "Miss! You have nice hair!" which was more pleasing than the last time i was communicated with on my way home late at night, when a girl yelled, "Filipinaaaa! You know you want some black coochie!"

glitch face

we had a skype meeting a few weeks ago for a pitch project and while we were having a serious discussion between him me aijia and rothy i heard cerrito take a screenshot and he was laughing because he said i looked crazy

tia

my new cat roommate moved in yesterday. her name is tia. she is very angrey about being here. i would be angrey too if i had just moved from a swanky manhattan high-rise by central park to bushwick, brooklyn.

you can see her, as well as my former cat roommate trouble, as well as me, in my friend sammy's project below: 

Cat Car from Sam Brenner on Vimeo.

doppelganger halloween

halloween day at school. me, schoolmates, and our evil twins

frozen like snow in shadow

before anyone had a chance to ask what happened, today new york became dark at four pm and the weather turned to the thirties. i had chipotle. 

cento: the true romantics

I hid my love when young till I
Heard the thunder hoarsely laugh,
Heard the skylark warbling in the sky,
For the eye altering alters all.

But with a sweet forgetting,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
The awful shadow of some unseen power
Hath had elsewhere its setting.

I would build that dome in air
And in the icy silence of the tomb,
For the sword outwears its sheath,

And whom I love, I love indeed,
And all I loved, I loved alone,
Ignorant and wanton as the dawn.
Lehman

i hear babies cry

black man subway crooners love singing What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong. the subway is the last place where i feel like it's a wonderful world.

never alone

a day meant for hiding, of course ruined by relative visiting from out of town

how would you describe sunset to an alien?

As our Earth rotates in an orbit around the sun, the time when your part of the Earth is exposed to sun is considered to be "day." When your part of the Earth begins to turn away from the sun, this process is called sunset and it occurs in the sky in vivid warm colors.

halloween time

tonight during automata class my dinner was sushi, coca-cola, popcorn, and mini reese's peanut butter cups. happy halloween god bless america