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Sunday, February 19, 2012

we are babies and babies r us

this afternoon i went with my brother and my sister-in-law and concomitant flipper baby to set up their baby shower gift registry. i didn't even know gift registries for baby showers existed. as a person with a more-than-medium-sized fear of commitment and settling down, i was completely overwhelmed by this baby mega-mall. on this trip, i learned the full extent of what babies need.

baby must haves: diapers, baby bottles, pacifiers, breast milk pumps, cribs, baby blankets, baby towels, baby robes, baby tubs, crib bumpers, rotating musical crib mobiles, some sort of vehicle to bounce in, some special donut-shaped pillow that they lie on for naps and lying, high chairs, onesies, baby shoes, baby hats, baby books, baby socks, baby mittens, baby dresses, baby tutus, car seats, strollers, bassinets, burping towels, bibs, baby food blenders, teething rings, baby nail clippers, baby humidifiers, baby nasal aspirators, baby wall decals, pianos they can play with their feet, turtles that project stars onto the ceiling, stuffed bears that replicate (poorly, in my opinion) the sounds of the womb, diaper genies, diaper genie liners, baby shampoos, baby body washes, baby lamps, baby night lights, changing table pads, baby wipes, formulas, baby foods, diaper bags, wipes warmers (lest anything cold ever touch baby), baby bottle warmers, baby bottle drying racks, diaper rash creams, baby gates, baby thermometers, outlet covers, corner guards, baby monitors, baby on board sign, baby car window sunshades, strap-on baby carriers, leashes, ad infinitum.

all of this made me long for the times of keeping a baby in a pulled-out drawer of your bureau. baby doesn't mind.

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