tucson

my parents spontaneously decided to take a four-day bus tour to arizona through a chinese travel company. every time i've gone on one of these trips, with the flag-waving tour guide and matching stickers on our shirts, i've sworn, this is the last time i'm going to do this. yet here i am in a holiday inn in tucson. we spent around twelve hours on a bus today to get here. horrible movies were played en route, things like the bucket list and knight and day (so awful, the sound of cameron diaz's screaming.) ma kept pinching my nose and telling me i should really get rhinoplasty. i tried to learn some words, which i'll never use, out of a russian dictionary and had dreams of kid rock coming to my trailer, topless and wasted, and projectile vomiting all over a baby. for tucson dinner we went to a chinese buffet, because chinese bus tours will do everything within their power to suss out every lone chinese buffet in the southwest, middle america, etc. what was funny was that there was not a single asian person dining in said buffet, and then a bus-load of real chinese people flooded the place. it was as if you were in santa's village, ill-fated christmas theme park of 1955-1998 san bernadino yore, and a sleigh set free fifty elves to run amok.