if i don't get some mashed potatoes stat i might die. this day has been too long.

i need naptime more than ever

disastrous unfading pillow line on my face this morning. is this what beds do to people?

upheaval in mid-city manor

today катя moved into tim's room in the mid-city manor. tim moved into mr. tomb's room. mr. tomb moved out, leaving me with his proper bed for safe keeping. here i am, reporting from not-the-floor, for the first time in my palacial queen-of-versailles bedroom on a queen's bed. red satin sheets.

gtl

nighttimes after work

Miss Tomb and I get home from our respective works at around seven thirty pm. i drink a little and we watch back episodes of either say yes to the dress or toddlers and tiaras allll night. one more. one more. we snack on little things. yesterday, french bread and goat cheese, big mugs of chocolate vanilla rooibos tea, and strawberries with sour cream and brown sugar. strawberries dipped in sour cream and then brown sugar might be the best thing that's ever happened to me. 

Ooooo!

day three of the cowardly work week. no brave or good things have been performed yet, on my part. my thin and watery ray of sunshine is that i have a very delicious macaroni and cheese from the belmont on fairfax waiting for me in the fridge at home. it has bacon and crab meat.

big sigh kind of a day. going home now

weak and weary

tgif! ev and i decided not to go to the demi show after all. we were just too damn tired. that's what work does - it makes you too tired to possible do anything else. and i knew i couldn't get across town fast enough to catch the real star - opening act neon hitch. however, candy, bagel and i did watch nevermore last night and i had really forgotten what an incredible poem the raven is.

two nights ago, i dreamt that i had two large black-faced sheep that i had to get rid of because i was moving away.  

chair closet

mrs. tuckersman sent this to me and i love it

food diary

today i had banana caramel streusel pancake for breakfast, panda express for lunch, mcdonald's and beer for dinner, and rum and limeade for dessert. twas a good day. jenner tomb had dog food for breakfast, dog food for dinner, and for dessert, when he sneezed he was able to lick the sneeze off the insides of his cone of shame.

jury duty

my wednesday wish is for everyone to collectively send good vibes my way so that when i call in on friday at 5pm, i am confirmed for jury duty on monday. please. i really want to go. the idea of being off for the day around 5pm sounds like a fantastic fantastic vacation to me. also, dineLA is going on and i could enjoy a scrumptious solo lunchling.

chechen

meet my new baby niece

i think she's going to be a fantastic human being

entertainment central

just bought tickets to see the highly-acclaimed play Nevermore - An Evening With Edgar Allan Poe on Thursday night in Los Feliz with bagel. but Wednesday night my friend ev from work and i are going to the even more highly acclaimed Demi Lovato concert at the Greek Theatre. we have general admission tickets right in front of the stage. thanks for the free ride, really big talent agency. i expect it to be totally lynchian. 

secret parties

inexplicably, i will periodically smell something or someone near my desk that or who smells like scratch-and-sniff stickers.

i am often angry or morose at my job, but it has its magic moments, like today when we secretly gathered for a goodbye party for someone, hiding in a conference room and illicitly drinking celebratory dos equis to send off a colleague to better things and then bringing the beer back to our desks in paper cups. 

futuristic world

they would have me believe that i work in one of the most prestigious and advanced talent agencies in the world, but if that were true, why would i have to go to five different floors in the building to find a working copy machine?

modern poetry flows from lana del rey's lips

If it's rush hour, why does everybody drive so slow? As if we're headed somewhere ritually overwhelming and underwhelming. In the morning, I feel like a slug that can drive a car. I make few discoveries throughout the course of the day, but during one commute when I was particularly sharp I made the stunning realization that the last lyric in this stanza of Lana del Rey's "This Is What Makes Us Girls":

Yo we used to go break in / To the hotel pool, glimmering we’d swim / Runnin' from the cops in our black bikini tops /

was actually

Screaming, "Get us while we're hot. Get us while we're hot"

and not

Screaming, "God is why we're hot, God is why we're hot."

I always think my version of things is better. Two months ago I turned down fall admission to Parsons, "one of the most prestigious art and design universities in the world," seeing more potential in staying in my brainless current job, which is sort of a wild, rude circus of celebrity, big money, entertainment muckymucks and their starry-eyed Hollywood assistants. However, the winds have shifted and it looks like I may be blowing east. I'm dying of anxiety and terror at the thought of saying goodbye to my most favoritest Los Angeles and the flawless nest I've built here for myself but it's most important for me to start feeling stimulated and becoming a someone.

Dear Valerie,

Welcome to the Tisch School of the Arts!

Thank you

four days in yutah

Utah was a majestic, Martian place. Everyone was blonde and unattractive. The girls all had strange names and styled razor-cut hair and they were all pregnant. Coffee was hard to find. The weather was really really hot. Mrs. Tuckersman and I waded whole-leg-deep in the great Salt Lake, which was full of sea monkeys, followed wild buffalo herds, and picnicked with fast food by a bug-ingested brook. We baked vegan avocado chocolate cake and watched Say Yes to the Dress and Bridal to Homicidal and made sangria with peaches and strawberries. On my last day, Mrs. Tuckersman's globetrotting parents Natasha and Tom arrived in Draper with a splash and told us about their wild European adventures, looking at pornographic art installations, picking cherries in Switzerland, and the finer points of buying black caviar in Paris. 

lana and enos

Mrs. Tuckersman played the banjo and I drank too much sangria and subsequently, brandy, tonight on a balcony in Draper, Utah with the dim dipper overhead and the city lights askance.

i bought a pool

i bought a pool on target.com. best twenty bucks i've ever spent

Mr. Tomb demonstrating

many uses for the pool

asap rocky

from the wiki on a$ap rocky:
He adopted its A$AP moniker, which has multiple meanings, including "Always Strive and Prosper", "Assassinating Snitches and Police", and Rocky's favorite, "Acronym Symbolizing Any Purpose".

the self immolation of gogol

discovered this rather horrific painting today by ilya repin in 1909 of gogol burning the second part of the dead souls manuscript: