Utah was a majestic, Martian place. Everyone was blonde and unattractive. The girls all had strange names and styled razor-cut hair and they were all pregnant. Coffee was hard to find. The weather was really really hot. Mrs. Tuckersman and I waded whole-leg-deep in the great Salt Lake, which was full of sea monkeys, followed wild buffalo herds, and picnicked with fast food by a bug-ingested brook. We baked vegan avocado chocolate cake and watched Say Yes to the Dress and Bridal to Homicidal and made sangria with peaches and strawberries. On my last day, Mrs. Tuckersman's globetrotting parents Natasha and Tom arrived in Draper with a splash and told us about their wild European adventures, looking at pornographic art installations, picking cherries in Switzerland, and the finer points of buying black caviar in Paris.
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