final update

5 hours and 20 minutes later

final nowhere

oh my fucking god this is going nowhere

two girl wow

love your skimmer, judy

my hair was curly today. these days have been warming; the weekend trains are packed with parkgoers. i saw a girl with a hula hoop boarding the L. i have meetings inside all day to push my final projects along and maintain my pallor. even though i don't go outside, i wore bare legs for the first time since last early september or so. last night, saturday night, i stayed in and stuffed myself silly with tuna casserole and dulce de leche ice cream and watched game of thrones s03e04 and bushmilled until i was a goose. i bought semi-expensive tickets to la this morning so ma and i can go on a small vacay and i feel better.

listserv

corn face

instrument tree

muffly sound

i've started wearing ear plugs on my commute because the loud and/or high-pitched screeching sounds of the subway really aggravate me. it's so much better now and makes me feel really inside-myself.

life post-missy

i have graduated from random acts of public crying to sick sick school nights of bushmill's and crying to videos of missy and pictures of cocker spaniels

good company

sad news

Val,

 

When I wanted to feed Missy in the morning and found her passed away.  Sorry to tell you the sad news.  Mom and I felt very sad and the tears came out from the corners of our eyes.

 

She acted strangely lately.  I wanted to take her for a walk but she refused to go, so I gave up on that.  She used to walk in a loop or circle by herself but lately she circled at the same spot.  She lost the control of her discharge.  Her digest system started deteriorating and had diarrhea for a couple of days with the same dog food she ate everyday.   In a way, this may be a relief for her at this old age with deteriorating physical condition, can’t see well, can’t smell well, can’t hear well and with weak muscles...

 

Before I moved her body, I chanted Rebirth Sutra for her and prayed for her to be reborn as a better being than being a dog again.  Since she was so gentle during her dog life, she should be rewarded to become a better being in her next life.  Then I took her to Long Beach Animal Shelter to be cremated.

 

I know you would be very very sad and felt terrible, but this is better for her to end the suffering that she was bearing.  At this moment, I felt my eyes wet again not only for her but also thinking I am approaching the same route that she had journeyed... 

 

We all missed Missy and prayed for her for a better future life.

 

Dad

SORRY I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT BOYS

ursula

i have a new mouse. i think i'm naming her ursula, uschi for short.

alessandro marchenisi

Dedication of a New Vestal Virgin

pine boxes

confirmed that i live by a casket factory. not scary, but interesting.

sunday afternoon

sunday afternoon feeling generally blue, watching drag race with trouble

remixed media

my mom took one of my photographs

then cropped it and reposted it to her facebook 

 

interacting

people will be making gifs of themselves using my filter at tribeca film festival next weekend. nice.

8-bit

believe it or not, these are actually pictures of my face that i took using my webcam and a filter i made this afternoon

workspace

i found out today that the plastic of my choice won't be loaded back into the 3D printer after this saturday for the next two weeks. so my model for one of my class finals is suddenly due tomorrow morning. aka, 

WELCOME TO MY FACTORY

klimt7

one year later

ALL THE GIRLS IN NEW YORK FINALLY HAVE OMBRE HAIR

sick buffet

one of the great things about being me when i'm sick is that i indulge all of sick me's whims and desires, which today included eating buying a whole tray of eggrolls and sushi at the korean market by school and eating it all myself and then buying sour cream and onion potato chips and vitamin water and enjoying them in my bed and getting crumbs everywhere, because i'm sick. awesome.

pig found this fantastic photo of lana today. i love it.

 

shakey quakey

im so stressed out i should just throw myself off a cliff. i have a 3d model due that doesn't exist at all, a webcam filter to make and my webcam is detecting nada, a sublet to fill in a house that is about to undergo major reconstruction, bagel birthday in 3.5 hours, an interview to prepare for, a coded replica of an existing art piece, and like 50 assets to model for my digital game?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!  

diamond candles

sicky baby

I bought groceries online through Fresh Direct for the first time a few days ago. It's cheaper and you can buy more than you can carry through the subway and you don't have to carry them through the subway. It's so exciting. I think back to when I was growing up and my brother told me that one day you'd be able to buy anything online and I swore to him that it would never work for groceries. The future is here.

Therefore, I've been cooking. I made my own chicken broth for the first time two nights ago and I can't stop being obsessed about it. I feel like I made stone soup. I made broth out of bones. I made something out of nothing. I was going to make strawberry cake from scratch today, but -

I have the fucking flu. I woke up and I randomly had the flu. I didn't have the flu last night, but I woke up and I was sick. I was JUST sick with a cold, and I haven't kissed anyone, so I feel like I do not deserve this. I'm feverish, my eyeballs are hot, I've had full-body chills and aches all day. I slept most of the afternoon and evening (which is really cramping my work style) and having non-stop fever dreams, one of which being Rothy and I sneaking sips of 1893 whiskey out of my grandfather's liquor cabinet and Rothy saying it tasted like my backwash. Being sick all of growing up means that you at least get to be coddled. Being sick as an adult, alone in my dungeon, is sad because nobody actually cares that you're suffering. I feel terrible and whenever I wish I were being taken care of I miss the Bagel.

Lastly, I had a meeting at Swallow this morning at 10 am with Rothy. We were working and I looked up and saw Steph's identical twin sister. I've always known that she lives in New York, and I joked about running into her, but I didn't really think it would happen, especially right around the corner from my house. She was leaving and I yelled out her name and she turned and I yelled, "I KNOW YOUR SISTER!" She had come in for the sole reason of using the ATM and was leaving to meet a friend for lunch in the area. She was really nice (I was a little scared because Steph describes her as a firecracker) and looked a lot like Steph but I can still tell them apart. And their voices are very different - Steph's sister's is deeper. Ach, coincidence, so magic.

pastrami sandwich

last night aijia, craggs, and i went out to billyburg to see the eternal bachelor and his band play and we had a blast. the music and the bachelor's drink tickets were very good and dancing was merry. i forgot to bring earplugs and aijia taught me that putting pieces of wet napkins in your ears works almost as well, even if it feels silly. afterwards we went to the pine box and had post-show beverages and it felt really good to see a friendly LA face in this sort of chaotic and exhausting town. in true touring musician fashion, the bachelor had no idea where he was staying for the night and ended up crashing on a spare mattress on my floor. i woke up in the morning totally discombobulated with a pounding headache. we had planned on getting breakfast but opted for hitting snooze repeatedly all morning and stumbling out to the bodega for sandwiches, blinded by the copious daylight and migraine. i sent the bachelor off on the subway (en route to Vermont) and crawled back into my bed and slept until afternoon. i was weak and feeble all day so aijia made me chicken, potatoes, and brussel sprouts for dinner and shoo-fly molasses pie while we all traded stories about how terrible we felt all day.

day after glasslands

i'm hung over in bed watching say yes to the dress big bliss

epic small rodent spree

mouse massage

lorde

i've found an entire trove of new girl music. i am totally completely batshit crazy for this right now. my computer might explode from overplay -  

quiettime

painter has been been working on a movie with a 6:30am call time and photog just left for LA today, so i have mornings completely alone for the next week. SO happy.

lana lana tell em what it is