what is summer

conclusion: the vanilla latte from starbucks that i spoiled myself with on the way home from work today far surpassed any coffee-based drink that i purchased throughout the whole of my stay in denmark. and cost three times less. i don't think i could have been any more satisfied with that beverage.

since coming home i've had a hard time distinguishing what feels more like a dream - being back, or the months that i spent away. i'm slowly becoming reacquainted with my world. i've gotten lost more times than i can count - looking for van buren house where i lived last year, navigating my way around cerritos, wandering around stupidly at work. getting back in my car was the shock of my life - it seemed too powerful and unnecessary. just me in this massive vehicle when all i needed for so long was a frame on two wheels. too powerful and too fast - hurtling deathtrap that i crawl the streets in.

plans for this summer...workworkwork. work is exhausting, consumes my days, and confuses me because i don't even do anything. going back to work has been daunting. so many new faces. for some reason i can never meet new people without acting mousier or ballsier than i really am. i failed an audit my first day back, passed another the next, only to fail another today. getting back into the swing of things has been slow goings.

i despise and love my job.

i hate being bored but i like that it's a physical job that makes me feel strong. and useful. unproven as of yet. i am absolutely enraged that through a hiring glitch newhires are being paid a dollar fifty more per hour than i am and that management does not care to do anything about it besides chastise us for being angry.

neverland pool is exactly the fantasyland i would dream of for myself. blue glowing, calm pool, trees strung with twinkling, the most enchanting chirping frogsong, fireworks exploding overhead, and inviting-looking buildings with glowing, beckoning windows. i am happiest there at night. miserable by day, drowning in dirty towels and obliged to throw away other people's garbage.

however, i do enjoy watching happy families, smiling parents with their gleefulsmallchildren. they all act the same and i like it.

i swear there is a very specific smell that my car has only when i climb into it late at night in the cast parking lots. it is a cold, misty smell and it reminds now of various memories from different sets of times and people, same place. i enjoy driving home with only my leftalmosthand, just to prove that i can. vanilla latte is like silk in my mouth.

my dog sleeps in my room by my bed. she doesn't prefer this room because it is usually too hot and bright. but she likes me.